Weak made strong

 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

Some of you may know that I had surgery in the middle of July. This went very well, but is taking sometime to recover from. I was signed up to help out at the Holsworthy Summer School which came two weeks after surgery, and I was deemed fit to work. Nearly 70 students from the local primary schools came to HCC to have some fun and learning and start preparing for September. I was looking forward to this and threw myself in. But… I forgot that I was only TWO weeks post op and that walking around the school site multiple times in a day may not be a good idea – which I learnt the hard way. By the end of Monday I was aching. When I spoke to a colleague about why I had to sit down, well, I got an earful and was politely told that I should have said something. But I was fine – in pain and discomfort – but fine. As humans we have a real problem with admitting weakness. For the rest of that week, I spent more time sat down, I got out of helping with PE (bonus!) and everyone was taking time to make sure that I was ok, so that I could do the best I could. And you know what, when you’re not worried about over doing it, you can get more stuck in!

During this time, I had the Hillsong song “Cornerstone” going round my head, particularly the line “weak made strong, in the saviours love”. But what does that mean, how does it make a difference? To be weak, to admit and show weakness, is hard. We are exposing part of ourselves that isn’t “shiney” and strong but instead revealing a vulnerability. In interviews, some people will try to pass of their weaknesses as strengths – “Oh, I’m an overworker” – because they don’t want to seem less than the other candidates by admitting flaws, or weaknesses. And its even worse when you’re approaching the almighty, all powerful God, the one who made everything, and is in everything. I don’t know about you, but I feel that I need to hide the “not good” things and the weaknesses and present my best self before God. Despite the fact that God is all knowing, he knows everything about me, and he’s all loving – he loves me, just the way I am, with my imperfections and weaknesses. And that doesn’t mean that I should stay that way, but it does mean that I don’t need to hide them.

I was really scared of letting people down at summer school, and despite several people telling me to take it easy, I felt that I had to play my part to not lose face. But God already knew that I was going to have surgery 2 weeks earlier, He knew what my recovery was going to be like, and He went before me. If I’d been able to trust that his Grace was enough and that I could be strong in him, I would have seen the team around me, the willingness and ability to work together and support each other. And I would have seen that God was ready to meet me where I was, not where I was pretending to be.

This pandemic may have felt like a time of weakness for you. A loss or change of routine and structure, a change of role, a grief over the inability to live life as you did before. Even the thought of coming back to church may have felt like a source of weakness – if everyone else can, why can’t I?

God want’s the best for us. In 2 Corinthians 12, God tells Paul that his Grace is sufficient and his power is made perfect in weakness. Paul didn’t have an easy life. He started off persecuting Christians only to meet the risen Jesus and start serving him. He faced imprisonment, persecution, disgrace and condemnation. Yet here is God telling Paul that, basically, God is bigger than that. By accepting weakness, Paul realised, and I’m trying to, that God’s full grace, glory and power can be seen in our lives. To embrace weakness, we have to drop any pretences and masks we hide behind, we have to step away from the façade that is hiding our truth from God, and through that acceptance, God can work in us, strengthening us, bringing us to a place of further wholeness.

The life cycle of a butterfly is fascinating, and kind of gross. When a caterpillar goes into its cocoon, it turns into a soup from which a butterfly is formed. It’s a messy and complex process. By admitting our weakness, we are taking a step further forward in being transformed into the image of God. We are saying that we can’t do this on our own. And God doesn’t care when we say it, whether it’s the second we realise we need help, or when we are on our – either literal or metaphorical – knees. God only want’s the best for us, not by protecting us from all harm, but being the strength we require to get through our challenges and become stronger in Him.

Going back to Paul, he says that he delights in weakness – why? Because it shows God’s power, through us. For those times when we can’t yet we still do, it shows the world that there is something more, that maybe this great dude in the sky is a bit more real than they admitted. But to show them this, we need to drop our shields, accept God’s love, and take his hand. When we are weak, we are made strong. God is there to catch us.

Jesus’ invitation to you today is this: Matthew 11:28-30

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

Turning 30

I'm writing this sat on my bed on the evening of my 30th birthday. It's strange to think how life is different now from ten years ago. I don't mean in the world, although this is true as well, but for me.

10 years ago, I was about to move to a new city and start university, for the first time, and since then my life has gone in so many directions. There are so many things that I have done, so many people that I have met, and sitting here now, at the beginning of the final year of my second degree, I could never have predicted that this is where I would have ended up. One day I need to document my Journey to this point, to see where God has led me, but this is a different story. Time is a strange thing, and Age is a lot less relevant to me now than it was 10 years ago. Back then the fact that I was 1 year older than most of my flat mates bothered me. Now I am 4 years older than one of my course mates and 9 years older than another, but this isn't an issue anymore.  I have realised that I have as much to learn from them as they have from me.

It's funny, when I was drafting this in my head, I had lots to say, now I'm typing it, it's all gone. I suppose the main thing that I have got from today is that it doesn't matter your journey, your history or your age, when you are surrounded by amazing people, who love you for who you are all of that has paled into insignificance. Today, I have felt so loved and blessed by those I am honoured to call friends and family. Today I have been reminded that I am loved, that I am worth something and that I have something to live for. Today, I may have turned 30, but you know what, that's just a number. What I'm going to do with this year, what God is going to with this year, is what is important! And hopefully, in 10 years time, when I look back on my 30's I'll be able to look back over as many adventures, laughter, friendships, love and the odd curve ball and see what is really important, God!

Take care,

Ruth

Who are you?

I used to spend huge amounts of my time comparing myself to others. I now spend a lot less. I've not sorted, but it's improving. I hate comparing my work with other peoples because I then feel like my work is inferior. I spent a lot of my school life wishing I was someone else, I was able to do what they did, and there was one person in particular who I measured my achievements to and always fell short. Do you know why? Because I wasn't them. 

Nothing I am going to write is news, but I need to tell it in my way. 

I'm 28, I have 1 and a 1/3 degrees (in Biochemistry and Applied Theology), a car and a bucket load of student debt. My brother is 25, engaged, working in a good job in retail having been working his way up since he was 16 to be an assistant manager. He has a car and a house, his debt is in the form of a mortgage. And I feel like the failure. So many of my school friends have partners, houses, children, and degrees. Yet here I am, earning next to nothing. Depressing isn't it? Well, when I write it like that it is. BUT I am me, I have my life, my gifts and skills. Does the spouse and the house really make a difference? I am so blessed to be where I am, to be able to afford a car and to be able to follow where God is calling me.

I was talking to someone at church today about my future. I have 2 more definite years at my placement before I meed to start looking around. I could end up anywhere. And I can go, where ever, when ever. I don't have to sell a house, up root a family or limit my options. I am ME. 

By comparing myself to someone else, by striving for their live, I'm going to miss living my own life. I am not perfect. I'm not the most intelligent person, but my essays are my own. I am proud of the work I submit, and when I get the mark back I know that I did my best and earned that mark. Who cares if someone else go higher? It's still a process, but God is doing so much. 

I see it in my faith as well though. I'm envious when someone gets a word from God through someone else, I wish that I got as many pictures from God as.... etc. I'm missing the point again though. On Sunday God used me in a service to bring my gifts and skills to the church. Nothing I did this morning couldn't have been done by someone else. But God choose me to do it. He gave a team of us different ideas that pulled together to make a service that we pray will encourage each other when things are hard. Hear me correctly, God did that hard work, we just delivered it and let God show through us. But my particular gifts led the service in one direction. Another team would have presented something different. And whilst I wish that someone would come and give me a word from God, I could well be missing the way that he is speaking to me directly. 

If we wander through life constantly looking at everyone else, if we try to measure ourselves against one another and wish that we were slightly different: taller, shorter, brainier, spiritually gifted, able to stand and speak in public, able to cook a very good barbecue, we will miss that we are who we are. We can change, we can learn, we can develop, but let it be for ourselves. 

Be who you are meant to be, because there is NO-ONE else like you!

Take care,

God bless,

Ruth

Still alive, still breathing

I've been thinking about this blog a lot recently, it's like an online, very public journal. A place where I can put thought and they may drift out into the world, and may never be read, but they're no longer confined to my head. 

This blog has been dormant for well over a year. No regrets there, I'm sure that there would have been plenty to write, but that's not the point. 

I have reached the end of my first year of my second degree. This blog went through my first degree so it might as well do the second one. As my previous post (Jan '14...) said, I am now training with SWYM. I took the leap to start a BA (Hons) degree in Applied Theology with Youth Ministry. I am loving it but it is so hard! It may surprise you to know that a science degree does not prepare you for theology. I have had to spend a lot of time rewiring my brain and changing how I think and write. I am grateful that it is all essay and presentation based and that there isn't a single essay in sight, except maybe the end of module feedback forms! (joke!) 

To be able to start to get my teeth into the Bible and into my own faith has been a real challenge. You go from accepting everything and going with it to questioning, often in a good way, why you believe what you've been told. We've had to tackle questions like "how literal is Genesis 1 and 2?", "is everything in the Bible historically accurate?", "is everything in the Bible God's word?". Tough, sometimes controversial, and mostly in my mind without firm answers. But what we're all (I think) coming back to is God Is Real. The Bible shows us who He is, and that is an amazing gift. We are wanting evidence and proof, my science background needs evidence for it to be true. When our evidence is proved wrong, such as some of the historical events, the world thinks they've disproved the existence of God. The books of the Bible were not written at the time of Twitter or Facebook or Google. Moses didn't tweet "still in the desert, manna not running out, lost, lol" (because I think Moses may have put a lol!), there wasn't even someone running after them with a parchment and quill "excuse me Moses, can you repeat that last line for me?". Our world today expects everything to be told as it happened, and for the most part it can. In tragic accidents it is become possible to piece events back together minute by minute. Is there not a possibility that errors crept into the accounts as they were told over time. Good men became great men and great men became like gods? This is all speculation, and not even something that I would necessarily fully agree with, but it's where my studies are starting to take me. 

If you've made it this far, well done. It wasn't meant to go quite in that direction! Life is treating me well and God is treating me better! 

For now that is all, but there are other thoughts rattling around, so hopefully this blog will awaken!

God bless,

Ruth

2013

Me again. 

It is the 1st January 2014, and I thought, as is common practice now, that I would write a reflection over the year that has just past. Plus, it seems like quite a good way to procrastinate from doing my assignments!

I'm not sure how this is going to work, so it may be a bit hit and miss.

Work

Probably the biggest change that has happened to me this year is my job. At the start of the year I was working as a secondary school science technician in a north Bristol school. It wasn't what I wanted to do with my life, but post-degree when the job market was a little thin on science jobs, it was as good as anything. I was entering my third year of doing the job, and finding it getting more and more stressful. When I'd started, I'd said that I wouldn't stay for more than two years, but that didn't quite work out. I worked with some great people, but the work and the school environment was getting tougher. 

Around March, I started looking at alternative jobs, and someone mentioned Ministry to me, church ministry. The idea initially terrified me, as I don't feel like I can preach, and ministry automatically means preaching doesn't it? As I thought and prayed more about it, and chatted to friends, I started to think about youth ministry, and training to become a full time youth worker. A SWYM (South West Youth Ministries) trainee was placed in my area. I got to meet him and have a chat with him about what SWYM was like. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that this was quite possibly my calling in life. Plus, this trainee kept pushing me to apply. 

So I did, and in May had an interview for the Be Transformed course. I had attended SWYM camps when I was younger and was slightly shocked to find out that the guy who heads SWYM up now recognised me, 10 years on! Anyway, I got a provisional place on the course, and was ready to hand in my notice. But I had to wait. Until I had a placement sorted, there was still a risk that I wouldn't be able to train and would remain a  science technician. 

Things were getting close to the end of the academic year and the deadline for handing in my notice. I had wanted to stay in Bristol. My life was now back in Bristol, and I didn't really want to leave, but after looking at the only suitable placement, it became clear that God had other ideas, and that I was going to move away. 

Things then moved very rapidly. I handed in my notice, without a placement, in the faith that God was going to provide. So I had no job, and no idea what I was doing in September. I got a call about some potential placements, and wanted to look at one in Torquay. The only problem being that I was going on holiday very soon after the term ended, and we wanted to get things sorted. We managed to arrange a visit and interview on the Sunday, when I was going away on the Monday. Talk about manic!! Dad and I drove down to Torquay, visited the church, met some of the congregation, went to a picnic that was rained off, then went back to Bristol ready for our holiday. Lets face it. After disappointments in the past, I wasn't getting my hopes up, but I had felt that things had gone well, and it was now in Gods hands. One week into the holiday the news came that they wanted me and I had a placement, hooray!! God provides. In September, I started my training course, and moved, in mid-September, to Torquay, Torbay, UK. That's another change that has happened this year. 

I'm so pleased that there are people in my life who encouraged me, and spoke to me about this. It is the right choice, and I am so happy. This is where God has called me, and the role he wants me to do. 

Home

As I have mentioned already I have moved. I was living with my parents in Bristol, mostly happy, but safe. I am now living on my own in a little two room bungalow, provided for by the church. It was, like my placement, a little hit and miss, and I did think that I would be starting my placement in a tent or on someone's floor. But during induction with SWYM everything fell into place!

It is a little weird living on my own at times. I have to remember to cook, shop and do my washing, along with everything else. But so far, so good! I do find myself talking aloud a lot though, and making more phone calls that I used to. 

Holiday

This years holiday was a big one. We had been planning it for a year, and was glad when it finally came about. My family go on canal boat holidays, as is tradition, but this years trip was a little bigger than other years. This year we boated around the London canals, up the rivers Lee and Stort, and ended with a trip up the tidal river Thames, from Limehouse basin to Brentford, past a lot of the iconic places, such as Tower Bridge, the London Eye, the Houses of Parliament, and Battersea Power Station. Going up the Thames requires a lot of planning, such as finding a boat company who would let us do it, making sure we had everything we needed: life jackets, serrated knife, VHF radios and licence, and lots and lots of rope! Plus, making notes of things to be aware of along the way. But it was all worth it. The passage was scary in places, and I don't think any of us are in a rush to do it again. Steering the boat yourself is very different to being a trip boat passenger.  But we can tick it off, and we have some great photos and memories. 

Car

Possibly a lot less interesting and significant change, but I brought a new car in February. The first car the I have ever brought. My first car was a 10 year old Renault Clio diesel, that used to be a driving school car, when my dad was a driving instructor. But it was getting old, and I had been told that there were a lot of expensive potential problems lurking, such as with the turbo, that were more expensive that the car was valued at. So I bit the bullet, and started looking. I found a nice Vauxhall Astra, and got rid of the Clio. That was a sad moment! But I now have a different car, that will hopefully get me about. 

I think that's it for now. Obviously, 365 days is a long time, and a lot has happened, from trying to get a friends fish tank home in the back of my car (it didn't fit, and we had to get my dad to help!), to a friends wedding, to many other things, I have only covered a small amount briefly. But I thought that it would be a good thing to do!

So that's it for now, who know's when I'll next be back!

God bless,

Ruth

How big is your family?

I come from quite a small family; I have my mum and dad, one brother, two aunts, one uncle, one cousin and one grandma. 

But I was realising today how lucky I am. I am a Christian, and that means that I am blessed with an extended family. Not just with my present church family, but also with members from my previous churches. The blessing that you receive from God through your church family does not necessarily end when you move on from that church. I have lost count of the number of Christians I include in my own "family", and the love that I feel, the support as I'm making decisions, fighting battles etc. 

Currently, I am looking at quite a big career change, I'm keeping details vague at the moment until things are a little more set in stone. But I found out today that the church that I grew up in is supporting me, praying for me, that I am still part of that family. This is the church that has helped me to this point, from becoming a Christian, helping me through some tough times whilst I was growing up, praying for me as I left for University, and through-out my university years, then supporting my decision and feeling to move on to a different church, with their blessing. And now, four years after moving on, they are still involved in my life, praying and supporting. 

This has all gone a little waffle-y, it made sense in the car home. But I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, no matter how large of small, normal or dysfunctional, your family is, you can always find a family in Christ, a group of people that God has lined up for you. And yes, there will be some "family" members that you never see, that you get together with for Christmas, or that you vaguely follow on Facebook or Twitter, (I do follow two of my family on twitter, one non-immediate family member). But accept the blessings that God wants to pour out through your family in Christ, because, more often than not, it will exceed your expectations, but meet your needs, as I mentioned in the last post. 

That's it now, I think.

Take care,

God bless,

Ruth x

Needs

I know that it has been forever (well nearly!) since I last posted, but I felt prompted to come home and write this, so we'll see how far I get before I have to go to sleep!

I was driving home from the youth club that I help at tonight, praying and chatting to God. (I have no idea what other car drivers think of me!) Rain started falling on my windscreen, and I said, out loud "why is it raining again?", when I had a thought. 

It's raining because God knows that plants need water, that birds, animals, us, all need water. Without water there would be no life. God is providing for the plants. He made the sun shine today so that the plants could create food. He made it rain today so that the plants had water. He made the bees and other insects so that the plants could reproduce, so that there would be more plants, more food for us, for animals. He provides what the plants need. A plant doesn't have to worry, to forage, everything is provided. 

So it is the same for us. Our God knows what we need, no, not the Ferrari, the millionaire husband and the jet set life, but the food, the water, the companionship and friendship, the shelter, the many, many other needs that we have. Two Bible passages came to mid the more I thought about it. The first is incredibly well known, from Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.

The second is from Matthew 6:

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

With need, can come worry, the direction the second passage goes towards. Where am I going to get..., what about..., but God tells us to trust in Him and he will provide. As he was providing the rain for the plants this evening. 

And so I have seen it in my life. We were rejoicing at church tonight, that a family had found a house in the area that they wanted to move into, and that offers had been accepted on their house and this new house. God wanted them to move, so he provided for their need. 

God willing, I am hopefully moving on this September to start a full time training course to become a youth worker. But this means giving up all the roles that I am currently in. I am trusting the God will provide for me needs. But he doesn't just provide for my needs, but for the needs of families, friends, and Churches. Where there is need, he meets it. And he was showing me this again last Sunday. Someone who has been at our church for 6 months felt prompted to start with the children's work. Without either of us knowing it, she has been moved to a position where she can fill the role that I will be leaving in September. God was moving in this situation, moving people to fill needs, without us talking about it, worrying about it, he was there and provided. 

I know, deep in my heart that God is always going to be there for me. He will fulfil my needs, and will guide me to where I am needed, as part of His Church. I acknowledge that there will be times when worry and doubt may creep in, but I trust my God. He is in control, he sees the bigger picture, he sees needs I haven't even though of yet, and will be there with provision ready for me, for us, as one body. 

Sometimes we are the answer to need. Something we have, a skill, a possession, a situation, is the answer to another prayer. God can create something out of nothing, but He chooses to use us, and if we listen, and trust, he can use us to fulfil a need, just as he fulfils ours. 

I'm going to leave it there for now. This is more sermon-y that a lot of my previous blogs, but it is what I believe God wanted me to write.

God bless,

Ruth