I used to spend huge amounts of my time comparing myself to others. I now spend a lot less. I've not sorted, but it's improving. I hate comparing my work with other peoples because I then feel like my work is inferior. I spent a lot of my school life wishing I was someone else, I was able to do what they did, and there was one person in particular who I measured my achievements to and always fell short. Do you know why? Because I wasn't them.
Nothing I am going to write is news, but I need to tell it in my way.
I'm 28, I have 1 and a 1/3 degrees (in Biochemistry and Applied Theology), a car and a bucket load of student debt. My brother is 25, engaged, working in a good job in retail having been working his way up since he was 16 to be an assistant manager. He has a car and a house, his debt is in the form of a mortgage. And I feel like the failure. So many of my school friends have partners, houses, children, and degrees. Yet here I am, earning next to nothing. Depressing isn't it? Well, when I write it like that it is. BUT I am me, I have my life, my gifts and skills. Does the spouse and the house really make a difference? I am so blessed to be where I am, to be able to afford a car and to be able to follow where God is calling me.
I was talking to someone at church today about my future. I have 2 more definite years at my placement before I meed to start looking around. I could end up anywhere. And I can go, where ever, when ever. I don't have to sell a house, up root a family or limit my options. I am ME.
By comparing myself to someone else, by striving for their live, I'm going to miss living my own life. I am not perfect. I'm not the most intelligent person, but my essays are my own. I am proud of the work I submit, and when I get the mark back I know that I did my best and earned that mark. Who cares if someone else go higher? It's still a process, but God is doing so much.
I see it in my faith as well though. I'm envious when someone gets a word from God through someone else, I wish that I got as many pictures from God as.... etc. I'm missing the point again though. On Sunday God used me in a service to bring my gifts and skills to the church. Nothing I did this morning couldn't have been done by someone else. But God choose me to do it. He gave a team of us different ideas that pulled together to make a service that we pray will encourage each other when things are hard. Hear me correctly, God did that hard work, we just delivered it and let God show through us. But my particular gifts led the service in one direction. Another team would have presented something different. And whilst I wish that someone would come and give me a word from God, I could well be missing the way that he is speaking to me directly.
If we wander through life constantly looking at everyone else, if we try to measure ourselves against one another and wish that we were slightly different: taller, shorter, brainier, spiritually gifted, able to stand and speak in public, able to cook a very good barbecue, we will miss that we are who we are. We can change, we can learn, we can develop, but let it be for ourselves.
Be who you are meant to be, because there is NO-ONE else like you!
Take care,
God bless,
Ruth
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